I need help removing her.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
