I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
