we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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