i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
