The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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