he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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