smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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