well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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