he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
