You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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