wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
