She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
