She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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