I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
