Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
