you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
