I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
