It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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