Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
