I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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