I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
