I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
