She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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