Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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