you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
