He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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