I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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