I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
