So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
