She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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