This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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