Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
