Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do herpes really smell.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
