I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
