I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
