I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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