My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
