My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
