He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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