Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
