Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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