and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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