So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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