shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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