I think i peed on brittanys purse
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
