so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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