I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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