He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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