I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
