haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
