i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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