Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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