so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
