So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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