I'm so fucking centered right now
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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