The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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