When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Alive.
So much puke
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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