I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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