It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
