ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
