Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
