ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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