So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
