dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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