Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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